Baby Steps

Hello everyone! I hope you are doing well.

So this last week I have been going to group therapy.  The last time I did it, I went to the sessions about 2-3 days a week, This week I did Monday through Friday. By the end of the week, I felt like I had spent the night walking through an amusement park. Mom said I didn't look well, but I just felt tired.

I really pushed myself hard this week on a mental and emotional level. I opened up to my case manager, I saw a new therapist, and I forced myself to stay in a situation that a few hours before caused me to have an anxiety attack. Therapists that I talked to were right when that said that getting better from this is difficult. But I want to feel better, so I am going to keep trying.

There are a lot of things I struggle with in my life right now. I got overwhelmed by them all, but it is easier if you try to handle one thing at a time. So I was given the goal this weekend to try and get out of the house and draw something. The big goal was to walk to the park and have lunch there. I wish I had a bike so traveling is a bit easier on the legs, but I believe that I can do it. I have made the walk before, so I can do it again. However, it also depends on how I feel. Things can happen.  However, I just want to focus on the positive as much as I can.

Is there something that you have a hard time with? How can you break it down into baby steps to make it easier on you? I believe you can do it if you want to and you try your hardest. Until next week.

Hobbies

Hello everyone! I hope you are doing well.

I apologize for being late. Writing a post kind of slipped my mind this weekend. My mind has kind of been recovering since Friday. On that day, the biggest storm that California has ever had hit us. I am physically okay, with the exception of the occasional mild chest pain, but it hit me hard mentally and emotionally.

So Saturday, I didn't feel like doing anything, and Sunday I tried distracting my mind with drawing. I was able to draw eight pictures. This is impressive for me because as of late, I haven't even wanted to draw. But this time, once I started, I didn't want to stop. It was nice.

Do you have any hobbies that you haven't done in a while? If possible, you should try doing it again just to remind yourself why you liked the hobby. I'll do better next week, in regards to posting. Until then!

Happy Valentine's Day/Single Awareness Day!

Surprise post! Hello everyone.

I just want to say a few words. Thank you to those that were around when I first started writing. Back then it used to be just a video game blog. Now it has turned into my personal blog that I can speak my mind about anything. I know my audience is small now, but it is an audience nonetheless. I thank you for being there for me, reading my content, and passing it on to others.

Maybe you don't have a Valentine this year. Maybe you do and you are planning to have fun times. Maybe you do and today isn't going to be any different than any other day. Maybe you just don't believe in the day because you only think it's some made up holiday made to make you spend money. Maybe you are someone that feels like you will never find that special someone or that the ones that you do have don't make you feel appreciated or loved.

Well, just know that I, Jelly, appreciate you. I hope your day is graced with sunshine, rainbows, and jellybeans! Whether you believe it or not, you deserve love and happiness. If you haven't found that someone, I believe that you will find that love of your life as long as you don't give up on it. And if you are depressed that you aren't loved, then stop. There are many around you that you may not realize that love you very much and want the best for you. And even in those rare cases that you might not even have friends or family, you still have me.

I love and appreciate you, and I want you live a life of useful prosperity and happiness. Until the weekend.

Revisit: Superbowl Sunday

Hello everyone! I hope you are doing well.

Well it has been a week since Superbowl. I barely was paying attention to the sportsy parts, but even I know the comeback that the team made was pretty impressive considering how far behind they were. Congrats to the winners, better luck next time to the losers.

Now for the commercials.

I am not going to talk about all of them. If you want to see all of the Superbowl Ads for this year, then you can watch the playlist here.

My second favorite was the Skittles commercial. It was just really funny how everyone is tolerable of the situation they were in because of candy. It did make me want Skittles, but I didn't go buy them. If I wanted to, I would have had to walk to the store, and I wasn't feeling my best to begin with. I will congratulate the commercial for making actually want to buy the product they were showing.

It seemed like the Budweiser commercial was really controversial. Everyone just assumed that they were pushing some sort of agenda with foreigners, when it fact it is just a history lesson on how the company started. Really, guys? Is everyone going to get offended when someone comes from out of the country and starts their life in the US? I swear, the people of today are growing more intolerant by the second. For everyone always shouting about Free Speech all the time, people of today sure don't seem to like hearing what other people have to say and love blocking it out. Strange.

Anyway, my favorite commercial was the Mr. Clean commercial. It was funny and sexy if you wanted to look at it that way. Of course people complained because of the sexualization of a cartoon character man. Some were more mad that it was a man, others were more mad that it was a cartoon. Some made fits because people were complaining about this, where if it was a woman, it would have been different. Some didn't care, they just didn't want this sex thing near their sports.

And ya know what I think? As long as the process of reproduction is also used for pleasure, there will always be sexualization going on. There will be sexualization of everything and everyone whether you like it or not. And as long as Free Speech is around, you will have to deal with it forever. It isn't just Free Speech for you and only everything you agree with. Free Speech for all and everything, or Free Speech for no one.

This was the other reason that the Mr. Clean commercial was my favorite, it shows how sensitive the people of today have gotten, and it is really sad.

I personally didn't get offended by any of the commercials. However, I have a high tolerance of others and their opinions. I'm an insightful type of person that likes to listen to what others have to say and then think about it for a while before saying something about it. I honestly wish more people were like that, but having people that are different is what makes the place we live so interesting.

So you do you, people of today. Until next week!

Superbowl Sunday!

Hello everyone. I know, Jelly is talking about sports?! Kinda, but not really.

I don't like sports. I will be tuning in to the Superbowl tomorrow, but not for the football. I am tuning in for the commercials. Last year I missed out since I was called away to a friend's house to make cupcakes. I have no regrets because it was cupcakes. I am more so going to have it rolling in the background while I continue my routine. I will only look at the TV when the sports isn't happening.

Sorry, football fans.

I know it was a short update this but I will make up for it with this picture I drew.

I hope you all enjoy the rest of your weekend. Until next week!

Fire Emblem Birthright(Spoiler Free)

Hello everyone. Jelly here.

I am not going to talk about much this week. Personally, I am in a really dark place right now.

I can tell you what I have been up to, though. I have been playing a lot of Fire Emblem: Birthright on my 3DS.  I had to start over since I am playing it on a new system, the last one broke in half, and I couldn't transfer the data. Well, I wouldn't be able to transfer the DLC, since I had the cartridge. It's fine, I would have restarted anyway. I am still enjoying myself. I had to re-purchase the DLC, though.

I am enjoying the game just as much as I first time. I have some friends that can't find it in themselves to play this game. They say it is because of the perma-death game mechanics, which they added the Phoenix play-style in Fates to fix. But they don't want to play that either because it isn't the true experience. They think of it as mocking the player for not being able to handle the game for how it originally was.

Personally, I don't care. I don't like the pressure of losing my characters in game. That is why I play on the phoenix mode. Am I mad that I can't handle the main way to play? No, it's just a game. I have more important things to get offended about.

I think, however, that people forget that middle mode that exists. Yes, there is classic mode, that features the perma -death. There is the phoenix mode where they come back in the middle of battle. But there is also casual mode, where they come back at the end of the chapter.

Some people just don't play it because the main mode is called Classic mode. It makes them feel mocked for not playing it the way it has been played in previous iterations. Sucks for them, getting offended by some text. They miss out on a experience that I believe to be quite enjoyable.

Anyway, I have been letting myself disappear into this game's world since I don't like the real world that I live in right now. I took a break because I was getting too depressed to play, and realized that I forgot to write yesterday. For that, I apologize.

I hope you all had a great weekend and enjoy your week going forward. Until next week!

Nightmares

Hello everyone! Jelly here. I hope you all are doing well today.

Personally, I am really tired. I haven't been getting much sleep. Usually it is due to me waking up in the middle of the night or nightmares. This time it was both, but I blame my lack of energy on the horrible nightmare I had. Unfortunately, I remember it...so I will tell it to you.


I was in an amusement park; the place resembled Knotts Berry Farm but the layout was different. I was standing around, waiting for the group I was traveling with to catch up. Suddenly, we hear a creaking noise that echoed through the skies. I look up and see one of the rides that once stood tall fall over and crash to the ground. It happened again to two more rides. I was panicked, but also confused to the sudden collapse of these rides. Suddenly, a man from our group runs up next to me and yells, 
"Everyone! It's a tsunami!" He points towards the way where the first ride fell.  Just as I align my eyes with the direction he pointed, I see it: A large wall-like wave of water that swallowed up the skies coming our way. I have never felt so horrified and scared of my life. Apparently everyone around felt the same way, as ear-splitting screams filled the air.
The man that stood next to me helped me snap out of it so that we can run. I ran as hard as I could, I ran with everything I had, but I was moving so slowly. I should have been able to keep up with everyone else, but it seemed like I was being intentionally made to move half as slow. 

There was no escape for me.

I get caught by the wall of water. I thought it would be over for me right then. To my surprise, I was able to grab a hold of this tall sturdy thing. It kind of looked like one of those billboards they have in the mall that changes its poster every few seconds, but there was no poster inside. I held on with every fiber of my being, with every ounce of energy I had. 

I closed my eyes, I just focused on holding on and breathing. As I reached inside myself, I spoke, "Don't give up, I won't give up...! I'm not ready to die yet!"

I opened my eyes.

The wave of water was gone. I was on the ground, still holding on to the billboard, standing and soaking wet. A lot of things were surprisingly still standing, while even more things were in ruins. More importantly, the park looked bare by how little people that were still up and about. Fortunately and to my surprise, the group that I was traveling with was still alive. We all decided that we would get supplies and then make the journey home. I saw a few people in their own groups, all heading in one way: towards to back entrance/exit of the park. It was usually reserved only for employees, but it seems it was converted to an emergency exit. After taking a deep breath, I head in the same direction, wishing that I could be home safe in my bed.


Like a cue, that was when I woke up, safe in my bed. It was like my nightmare was trying to apologize to me for scaring the shiz outta me. You are not forgiven, nightmare!

So that was my nightmare. I hope you appreciate my writing skills. When was the last time you had a nightmare? When you woke up, did you feel like you had less energy than before you went to bed?


I hope your days started off better than mine. Until next week!

Pain...I Don't Like It

Hello everyone! I hope you are doing well. I hope that your day is filled with sunshine and rainbows.

Because I am in a world of pain.

So basically, the day I am just about over my cold, my mouth starts hurting. I thought it was just soreness from too much pressure on it. However that pain, on a scale of 1-10, went from a 1 to a 9 within hours. Thank goodness the supervisor at my dentist office made an opening for me, because I was NOT going to last until Monday...

I had to take a combo of Uber and Lyft to get to the dentist, get my prescription, and to get back home. There was a lot of walking in between. The dentist couldn't do any work on the tooth because of the abscess. The tooth it was on was getting worked on by draining it the last time I came in, so that was kinda fortunate. The point is because they couldn't work on it, they gave me antibiotics and pain meds.

Once I got home and I had finally relaxed a bit after taking the pain meds, I realized something. I did all of that traveling around in public, getting in cars with complete strangers, without being on my anxiety/depression meds. I did all that walking around only on the energy of fives crackers. I pushed myself through these situations all because I was in horrific pain that I wanted to do everything to make go away. Pain is quite the motivator. I wouldn't suggest putting yourself in pain just to get things done.(Please don't hurt yourselves; I do not approve) I am saying that you shouldn't be surprised on what you can do when you find yourselves in that situation.

I would love to hear if you have had anything similar happen to you. Have you been in so much pain, that you were willing to do anything(and did) to make the pain stop?

I'm gonna go lay down, watch One Piece, and eat Malt-o-Meal now. Until next week!

Happy New Year!

Hello everyone! I hope you are having a Happy New Year! At the very least, I hope it isn't miserable. I, on the other hand, am dealing with being sick. It feels like the worst thing, but it's just a cold.

Moving on, did any of you make any resolutions for this year? Let me see hands! Nice! Now how many of you actually plan on following through and not giving up at the first hurdle? Oh, there's still some hands! Now put your hand down if you also said that last year, and even years before that, and it never worked out?

...and there goes the rest of those hands. I thought so.

New Years's Resolutions are difficult. We set high goals for ourselves, but they seem so large that we end up giving up. It's why I gave up on making them. I like the idea of making small goals than one giant one to strive for the entire year. Does it make it easier for me to finish? No, but that is more of a personal problem and struggles with my mental illnesses.

I do suggest that those that have a hard time with their resolutions should chop it up into smaller pieces that are track-able. You are most likely to see results that way. I wish you luck on your goals.

I'm gonna go back to bed now. Until next week!